I Tried TikTok's Anti-Aging Products. Here's What I Kept.

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I don't have any friends to talk me out of bad decisions, so I got on TikTok and let strangers on the internet sell me skincare.

A very reasonable system.

I'm in my 40s. I know what they're selling me. Younger skin. A tighter jaw. Fewer lines. The possibility that something I can order while scrolling will make me look a little more like the version of myself I remember.

And yes, I want some of it to work.

So I bought the exfoliators, the balms, the straps, the masks, and the devices. I was going to exfoliate, tape, shock, strap, freeze, and pull my face into something. Then I was going to try sleeping in a whole collection of it.

Some products surprised me. Some needed to get off my face immediately. By 3:30 in the morning, I had a very clear opinion about the bedtime portion of this experiment.

The products that made me change my mind

Dr. Melaxin Peel Shot: I judged it before I rinsed

When I first rubbed Dr. Melaxin Peel Shot onto my face, I thought the little bits rolling up were the product itself. Surely that was not all my skin coming off. Because that would be terrible.

It tingled and burned a little. I was suspicious. I said it was a no.

Then I went to the bathroom and rinsed it off.

My skin felt super soft, and I thought I could see a difference around the blackheads on my nose. Suddenly, I was having second thoughts.

Fine. You can stay.

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The body spray: softer elbows, still some questions

The Dr. Melaxin body and foot exfoliating spray had a strong smell before I even got very far. I decided to try my elbow.

Something rolled up as I rubbed. Did my elbow look dramatically different? That part was less convincing. It did feel softer, and I decided to keep the spray.

“I think it works. Or am I delusional?” was pretty much where I landed.

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The anti-wrinkle straw: the weird little comeback

The straw has a curved top and a little opening that changes how you drink from it. My mother and grandmother used to warn me about getting wrinkles from straws, so of course TikTok found a way to sell me a different straw.

At first, I did not like the sound. I did not like how it felt. The whole thing was weird.

Then I used it for five days.

I love it. I really do. I had to retract my first opinion.

I'm keeping it because I like it. The wrinkle situation has not been settled.

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The greasy, underwhelming, and painful pile

The Dr. Melaxin Calcium Volume Multi-Balm looked like a lipstick. I put it around my laugh lines, where I notice my age more, hoping for that plumper-looking skin I'd seen online.

It felt like Vaseline. Very greasy. I wiped it off.

The Medicube Collagen Volume Multi-Balm felt lighter and less greasy than the first one. I could imagine someone wanting a little extra moisture in a particular spot, but I still wasn't convinced. That one was a no for me.

Then there was the V Face jaw device.

I liked how the rollers felt on my face. I had high hopes. But after charging it and trying the settings, the vibration was underwhelming. Turning up the intensity did not give me the difference I wanted.

That one got an actual return trip. There I was at Whole Foods, taking it back.

The face-lifting tape was another situation entirely. I wanted a little eyebrow lift. A little. I did not need my face relocated.

I adjusted it, pulled it, tried again, and started getting a headache. Then taking it off hurt.

Ay. Enough. That was not going to work for me.

Chin straps, cold masks, and tiny shocks

I auditioned three chin straps because apparently one questionable purchase was not enough.

The first one gave me support I liked. Another felt like a Silence of the Lambs situation around my ears. The graphene V-line mask did not win me over either.

The first strap won its place in the bedtime basket. It won the audition. I cannot tell you it removed a second chin.

The Shark CryoGlow was a much bigger production. A remote. Settings. Lights. Cold pads under my eyes.

One part of the experience felt claustrophobic, and the cold got uncomfortable enough that I wanted to stop. Later, when I tried the anti-aging setting, I liked the experience enough to say I was keeping it.

Both reactions belong in this review. I was impressed, and I was uncomfortable at points. I cannot give you a long-term wrinkle verdict from that session.

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Then came the Medicube facial device. I bought it without having a particularly clear idea of what it did. Kim Kardashian had used it, and apparently that was enough information for my shopping department.

Yes, I noticed the pattern too.

It tingled. At moments it felt like tiny needles. There were several “Ay”s involved.

I liked it enough to keep it. The noises I made while using it were considerably less confident.

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Frownies and Peter Thomas Roth: about those patches

I tried Peter Thomas Roth wrinkle patches and Frownies, comparing different areas of my face.

The Frownies smell needs its own review.

Not “this fragrance isn't my favorite.” I mean I took them off because I could not stand it.

During the patch comparison, I thought my skin looked brighter and smoother, and I could see a difference between the sides. So the whole experience was more complicated than a neat yes or no.

I liked something about what I was seeing. I also wanted that smell away from me.

I'm not giving either patch a miracle-product crown here. Those are my reactions from the comparison, including the part that would be very useful to know before putting something next to your nose.

My sleepmaxxing routine met 3:30 a.m.

By bedtime, I had assembled what I kept calling my “morning shit basket.”

Very elegant. Very beauty influencer.

There was a collagen sheet mask, a peel-off lip stain, the lifting strap, and a chest pillow an influencer had sold me on. I already wear a bonnet for my curly hair, so that joined the situation too.

I even had an extra strap for my husband in case he wanted to participate.

Once everything was on, I looked ridiculous. The mask felt cool on my skin. We lay there talking about whether the collagen was really getting into our skin, and how good these products had become at being gimmicky.

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Then we tried to go to sleep.

At 3:30 a.m., I could not take it any longer. I started taking it off.

That is the actual ending to my sleepmaxxing experiment. There is no dramatic next-morning reveal in which I wake up ten years younger. The ending is me wanting all that stuff off my face in the middle of the night.

Three questions before another TikTok purchase

If you're watching all these products and wondering where to even start, these are the questions this experiment leaves me with.

Do I actually like using it?

The straw won me over because I enjoyed it after a few days. The balms felt greasy to me. The tape hurt. The jaw device didn't impress me. Those are useful differences, even without a dramatic transformation.

What do I know, and what am I hoping?

“My skin felt softer” is something I can tell you. “This took years off my face” is a much bigger statement. A tingle, a cold sensation, or a nice feeling is not my before-and-after evidence.

Would I still want it if a Kardashian had never touched it?

I feel personally attacked by my own question.

But it's a fair one. I can enjoy the excitement of trying something without pretending the excitement is a result.

Buy the cream. Keep yourself.

I ended the video with a letter from Veronica in her 50s.

After all the pulling, taping, shocking, and sleeping like Hannibal Lecter, the message was that nothing stops time. And that's okay.

I can take care of myself. I can buy the cream if I want. I can also stop comparing myself to a twenty-something selling anti-aging cream she doesn't need.

There are dreams I still want to chase. Things I still want to try. My face does not have to become a younger face before I get to do them.

The letter reminded me, “You're God's masterpiece.”

I'm keeping that part too.

Now tell me: what has TikTok talked you into buying, and did it earn a place in your life or a return label?